I had every intention of writing a June round-up, but life had other plans. Part of me wanted to share them straight away – part of me was scared because some people just wouldn’t understand especially given the reason why. When you hear the word allegation you freeze. Now the truth is in fostering you always get them in fact Darren and I have had them before and although these aren’t nice, they happen and its resilience that gets you through. You need to remember that every child struggles sometimes and its easy to lash out.
The past two months have been some of the most emotionally and mentally demanding I've experienced as a foster carer.
The allegations have meant lots of meetings, investigations, difficult conversations, and moments where I've questioned whether I had anything left to give. When allegations are made, professionals quite rightly have a duty to investigate. That process is essential to safeguarding children. But I'd be lying if I said it doesn't hurt to read words written about you that don't reflect the love, care and commitment you pour into your home every single day.
The hardest part isn't the paperwork. It's picking yourself up afterwards, taking a deep breath, and choosing to show up again the next morning with the same patience, compassion and determination. Ultimately, they are two little scared boys just wanting to go home.
As the weeks unfolded, behaviours escalated significantly. We witnessed aggression, intimidation, and a complete disregard for boundaries. There were incidents that required the involvement of schools, social workers and the police. Watching children of such a young age display behaviour that most adults would struggle to understand is heartbreaking. After further meetings and asking questions and further disclosures of the boy’s history we unfolded the reality that the boys had been running drugs prior to coming into care.
What has become increasingly clear is that these behaviours didn't appear overnight. They are symptoms of trauma, neglect, exploitation and experiences that no child should ever endure.
One of the biggest lessons I've learned is just how devastating county lines exploitation is. It isn't just about teenagers. Increasingly, younger children are being groomed and exploited by organised criminals because they are seen as easy to manipulate and less likely to attract attention.
When children have been exposed to that world, they can become frighteningly desensitised to risk. They often know far more about crime, violence and the justice system than any child should. They may appear fearless, but underneath that bravado is a child whose innocence has been stolen.
It's easy to judge behaviours when you don't know the story. It's much harder—but so much more important—to ask, "What has happened to this child?"
None of this excuses harmful behaviour. Boundaries, consequences and accountability still matter. But understanding the root cause helps us respond with compassion instead of condemnation.
These past two months have reminded me that fostering isn't about being a hero. It's about showing up, even when you're exhausted. It's about remaining calm when everything around you feels chaotic. It's about believing that every child deserves someone who won't give up on them, even when they push everyone away.
If sharing our journey helps just one person understand trauma a little better, or opens someone's eyes to the reality of child criminal exploitation, then the difficult days have at least served a purpose.
As I finish this update, my heart is heavier than I ever imagined it would be.
After many conversations with professionals and a great deal of soul-searching, we have had to make the heartbreaking decision to say goodbye.
This wasn't a decision made out of anger, frustration or because we stopped caring. In fact, it was made because we do care. Sometimes, despite giving everything you have, you have to recognise that a placement is no longer the right one for the children or for your family.
Saying goodbye feels like admitting defeat, but I know in my heart that it isn't. Fostering is about putting children first, even when the decisions break your own heart. I truly hope these boys find the support, stability and specialist help they need to heal from everything they have experienced. I feel terrible as I know that the boys will have to start over again but even with the high level of training that Darren and I have had we do not have the right skill set to help here.
Sometimes grace means accepting what you cannot change. Sometimes grit means making the hardest decision of all. And sometimes the sparkles don't shine very brightly—but they're still there, waiting for brighter days.
As always, we'll continue to lead with grace, stand with grit, and search for the sparkles—even on the darkest days.
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