April felt different in our home. Definitely louder, considerably harder— but certainly fuller. With the arrival of our 16th child as a respite placement over the Easter holidays, the dynamic shifted in ways that asked more of all of us: more patience, more awareness, and more intention.
Respite care is often misunderstood. It isn’t just a “break”—it’s essential. For carers, it’s the difference between continuing with compassion or slipping into burnout. Without it, the risk of compassion fatigue is real, and that impacts not only the carers but every child in the home. This placement was a reminder of just how vital it is to create space—for everyone.
A Shift in the Household
Bringing another child into an already busy home naturally changes the rhythm. For my boys, it meant adjusting again—sharing space, attention, and emotional bandwidth. What I noticed most this month was how much they are still learning about themselves, and how easily those relationships can become tangled without the right boundaries in place.
It became clear that “togetherness” isn’t always the goal—at least not right now.
Why Space Matters
One of the biggest strategies we’ve had to implement is keeping the boys apart more intentionally. That might sound counterintuitive in a family setting, but there’s purpose behind it:
- Understanding Who They Are as Individuals
When children have complex relationships, especially siblings or those who’ve shared difficult experiences, identity can get blurred. Time apart allows each of them to explore who they are without influence, comparison, or pressure.
- Rewiring for Positive Relationships
Constant friction doesn’t build connection—it reinforces negative patterns. By creating space, we’re helping their brains “reset,” giving them the chance to eventually come back together with healthier ways of interacting. This isn’t about separation forever—it’s about doing the groundwork now for better relationships later.
- Preparing for the Long Summer Ahead
With the six-week holidays approaching, we’re being proactive. Longer days and less structure can often amplify tensions, so the strategies we’re putting in place now are about creating a more peaceful, manageable environment when that time comes.
- Removing the Pressure to Parent One Another
This one has been huge. When children take on roles that aren’t theirs—especially parenting roles—it creates imbalance and stress. By giving them space, we’re allowing them to just be children again, without the weight of responsibility for each other.
Working Together, Not Alone
None of this happens in isolation. We’ve been working closely with all the relevant agencies to make sure the approach is consistent, supportive, and in the best interest of every child in our care. It’s a team effort—one that requires communication, flexibility, and trust.
And while it’s not always easy, it’s necessary.
The Quiet Wins
Amid the adjustments, there have been moments that remind me why this all matters. Small shifts in behaviour. Calmer interactions. Glimpses of understanding. They might seem minor from the outside, but here—they’re everything.
Moving Forward
April has been about stepping back in order to move forward. About recognising that sometimes the most loving thing you can do is create space. About understanding that connection doesn’t come from constant closeness, but from safe, supported growth.
As we head into May and edge closer to the summer holidays, I’m holding onto patience, trusting the process, and continuing to choose grace, grit, and—always—a little bit of sparkle.
